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Dating
Eligibility Friend zone Often after a length of time, a girl whom you may have an interest in will display that you are her friend. If it is clearly stated that you are her friend, a man shall move on. The friend zone is purgatory or in some cases hell- sheer agony with little chance of escape. Party Rules/Ratings Rule for Bros *If a girl is ranked 1-4, you are obligated to make one, and only one, attempt to rescue a drunk buddy from sleeping with her. After the one warning, make sure he has a condom, so he doesn't end up with ugly children. And tell the story. Often. So it serves as a lesson to others. *If a girl is rank 5-8, you are obligated not to interfere, cock block, or in any way purposely steal her from a buddy. If she is inadvertently drawn to you, well, that's not your fault, and you can roll with it. *If a girl is rank 9 or above, all bets are off, but no matter who gets back-stabbed, punched, or locked in an outhouse, in the morning all praise goes to any man who managed to sleep with her, and no grudges shall be kept. Standard Creepiness Rule (Rule of Seven) If a man dates a woman younger than (his_age / 2 + 7). While it is not forbidden, dating a woman who would be in violation of this rule is ill-advised. See http://web.archive.org/web/20080404070621/http://xkcd.com/314/. Furthermore, no man should date a woman over twice his age, minus 14. Taken So Leave It If a woman is taken, no man who does not claim the title of "Her Man" may spend time alone with her. The title of "Her Man" may only be given by the aforementioned woman. If it is found that she has more than one "Man", all titles are null and void, and it is considered bad form to continue to spend time with her. Second Best No man shall settle for second best in a relationship with a woman. (i.e., the woman would rather be dating someone else but decides to "settle" for you.) Upon finding out on his second-best status, a man has one month to take the lead. If this goal cannot be met he must put an end to the relationship. This rule is only void if the woman in question ranks an 8 or above. Loyalty to Friends Bros Before Hoes No man may deny his friends, in order to spend time with any woman. This is by far the most important rule of the man laws and must be obeyed. Hinderance In any situation where a man's chance of success with a chick is diminished by another man's presence, the secondary male or 'third wheel' must leave at the earliest opportune moment. The Friend's Ex Rule 12 A man shall not date, hang out with, or friend request a fellow friend's ex. A man is required to ask the said friend for permission to date or communicate with said ex, and if friend says yes,do so with his terms. The Hookup Sacrificing Manliness No man shall sacrifice manliness to cater to a woman. If she wanted a woman, she would date a woman. Examples of sacrificing manliness include: *Claiming to like the movie:Sweet Home Alabama *Listening to Backstreet Boys *Crying *Cuddling (unless it leads to more "hooking-up" in less than one-half hour.) : Exception: If outcome includes hooking up, any violation is void due to strategic move. The nice guy 93.75% of nice guys never win. Of course this is referring to women. Nice guys often kick your ass on World of Warcraft to get back at you. Needless to say, the 6.25% of nice guys that do win often keep the girl. Cock Block In the event of an obvious cock block or dick move to steal a courting woman from another man, the violator is susceptible fighting rules. See Fighting. Dating Phone Calls *A man shall speak with a woman on the phone for no longer than he would have sex with her. (With the exception of mothers, aunts, etc) *A man shall never make more then one outgoing call to his wife, girlfriend, or booty call for every three missed calls. Dating your Ex-Girlfriends Friends While you were dating your ex-girlfriend chances are that you had the opportunity to get to know her friends and even form your own relationship with her friends. At the conclusion of your relationship you may be tempted to enter into a relationship with a friend of your ex-girlfriend. If you dumped her, dating her friends is off-limits. If she dumped you, dating her friends is allowable, but proceed with caution. Asking Out Via Text Message or Instant Message No man shall ever attempt this, or do this. It will not work, and you'll seem like an unconfident princess. A man may get to know a woman better via texting or instant messaging but shall never ask said woman out via text message or instant message. Online Dating *Dating online is permissible, but no man shall admit to it. *A man shall be wary of the pictures posted on their date's profile. If she looks too hot to need online dating, she is probably ugly and/or fat. Rule of thumb: If an online girl is ranked 7+, it's not her real picture. If she's rated 9+, it's not a girl. *If a man has a six pack he is allowed one picture of his rock hard abs. Any more and it looks like he is compensating. Cheating Lame Excuses A man should not cheat, but when he does he should do his best to escape the ramifications, as it is simple biological fact that man will do his best to maximize his genetic chances. Deny till you die! Any woman that cheats must, from that point forward, be referred to as 'That slut' and is to be completely and utterly removed from any and all social circles that are considered original property of the man. Any man that cheats on a bro with 'That slut' shall be labeled 'Man-Slut' and will be exiled unconditionally. Any/All friends choosing to side with said Friend will also be subject to judgement and penalty decided by the Bro who was wronged. Castration A man is also entitled to castrate any man who sleeps with his woman. If he chooses to exercise this right, no male jury member may vote for his conviction. Threesomes A man whose girlfriend is OK with having a threesome with her single, hot friend/sister must have a threesome. No exceptions. The Breakup No man should ever sacrifice manliness when breaking up with a woman. You break up face-to-face and tell her what was wrong with her, then its another guy's problem. Acceptable Reasons The following are acceptable reasons to dump a woman: *She is a princess. *She farts. *She uses your toothbrush. *She has a problem with your dog ravaging her leg and forces you to choose between her and Rex. Over the Phone/Via E-mail or a letter Breaking up with a girl over the phone is to be considered a cardinal sin against all that is manly. To appear that weak and scared of what the girl may do is not only emasculating, but downright rude. No man would shy away from a woman like that. It also spreads a bad reputation, which may damage chances with prospective hook-ups. The Ex The Getting Over It Period! If Dumped - No man shall spend more than 2 weeks/year of relationship being sad over a woman. After that one month period, he is required to move on and find a better chick. If said man can not get over said women within one month, said man's friends are required to find said man a sluttier chick to take his mind off of said women. If said slut does not help said man to get over said women, Said mans friends are required to drop said man from the group until he makes up for the period of bitchy time. If Dumper - You have exactly 1 second to get over her. You have no reason to be sad. If any man is sad after breaking up with a chick, he should not have broken up with her in the first place. That man will then be mocked frequently and harshly by all manly friends until he has come to his senses. In order to remedy the sadness, the so-called man will either have to suck it up, (which is the more manly way to do it) or go crawling back. Crawling back is a cardinal sin. There is no way to make up for this emasculation. From now on the former man will be referred to as any of the following: boomerang, princess, pussy, whipped, etc. It is now open season for any form of prank or humiliation. Three Strikes No man shall give the previous ex more than 3 strikes. No woman is worth more than three strikes if baseball only gives a batter three strikes. Especially if said woman is confused on what she truly wants in life.